Anger is a normal and natural emotion that signals to us when something feels unfair, threatening, or frustrating. However, when anger becomes overwhelming, difficult to control, or leads to aggression, it can negatively impact relationships, work, and wellbeing.
It’s important to distinguish between anger (an internal emotional state) and aggression (a behavioural response to anger). While anger itself is not harmful, aggression, whether verbal, physical, or passive, can cause damage to ourselves and others. Learning to recognise, regulate, and express anger in a constructive way is key to maintaining healthy relationships and emotional wellbeing.
At The Victorian Psychology Clinic we recognise that anger management require a tailored, evidence-based approach. In line with our values, we aim to work collaboratively with our clients, referrers and other professionals involved in our clients care including general practitioners, other allied health professionals and psychiatrists.
How anger develops: The activation-to-deactivation process
Anger doesn’t appear suddenly – it follows a sequence of physiological and psychological changes that influence how we think, feel and act. Understanding these stages can help in identifying triggers and developing better regulation strategies:
- Activation (Trigger Response) – Something in the environment (e.g., a perceived injustice, feeling disrespected, or unmet expectations) triggers an emotional and physiological response, activating the body’s stress system.
- Modulation (Initial Regulation Attempts) – Before anger intensifies, the brain assesses whether to escalate, suppress, or redirect the emotion based on past experiences and coping strategies.
- Preparation (Escalation of Physiological Arousal) – The body gears up for action with increased heart rate, muscle tension, and adrenaline release. Thinking can become rigid and reactive, making it harder to consider alternative responses.
- Action (Expressing Anger) – This is when anger is expressed outwardly or inwardly. Some people lash out, while others bottle up their feelings, leading to resentment or passive-aggressive behaviours.
- Feedback (Processing the Aftermath) – After anger is expressed, we reflect on the situation. Some feel relief, while others experience guilt, regret, or shame, particularly if anger was expressed destructively.
- Deactivation (Returning to Baseline) – The body and mind gradually calm down, but if anger was not effectively managed, it may resurface quickly in future situations.
Difficulties with anger often occur when one or more of these stages become dysregulated, leading to outbursts, chronic resentment, or suppressed emotions that build over time.
Strategies for Managing Anger Effectively
Anger management is not about eliminating anger but rather, learning how to respond rather than react. Some evidence-based strategies include:
- Identifying Triggers: Recognising the situations, thoughts, or interactions that typically lead to anger.
- Pausing Before Reacting: Practicing techniques like deep breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, or counting to 10 before responding.
- Cognitive Reframing: Challenging unhelpful thoughts (e.g., “They did that on purpose”) and considering alternative explanations.
- Assertive Communication: Expressing feelings and needs clearly without aggression or blame.
- Physical Regulation: Engaging in exercise, movement, or relaxation strategies to help release built-up tension.
- Mindfulness and Emotional Awareness: Developing skills to observe emotions without immediately acting on them.
- Problem-Solving Approaches: Addressing recurring anger triggers through proactive strategies, rather than reacting emotionally every time.
How we can support you
At VPC, we work with clients experiencing anger management difficulties using evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Dialectical Behaviour Therapy (DBT), and mindfulness-based interventions. Rather than suppressing anger, therapy focuses on:
- Understanding emotional triggers
- Developing regulation strategies
- Learning how to express anger in a way that promotes resolution rather than conflict
If anger is affecting your relationships, work, or daily life, support is available.
We have a number of clinicians who work with eating disorders. To learn more, please refer to our Psychologists page for clinician details.
If you are currently experiencing eating difficulties or body image concerns and would like to begin your journey to recovery, get in touch with us. We are here to help.